Sometimes, being a good mom is hard. I had a big night out planned. A Harvest Party, a Trunk-or-Treat, and a small grocery trip. I have a cute costume for Baby Two Flowers, and a car. But as I was picking up the house this afternoon - doing my nightly pick-up early since we'd be out later - I was going back and forth in my head. Baby Two Flowers threw up this morning and has seemed hot off and on throughout the day. I can tell she doesn't feel her best. What if she has a bug? If I take her out to the parties then I'm 1.) exposing lots of friends to her potential bug and 2.) putting her in an environment where she is less comfortable physically (car seat, stroller, cold air) and where it is harder for me to give her all of my attention (driving, walking, socializing), and if she really is sick then physical comfort and extra attention are two things she needs most!
I've been wanting to go to this particular Trunk-or-Treat all month. It is done by the stake* I used to live in before I had Baby Two Flowers. I really wanted to see my old friends and share my baby with them! So I kind of compromised, in my head: We would go out, but we would only spend a short amount of time at each place. I would try to keep the evening to under an hour and half. We were nearly ready when I realized that it was too early to leave so we snuggled and nursed for a little while. She had been needing to nurse, but being unwilling to hold still she hadn't gotten much mommy milk into her (mommy milk = immune boosters). She had taken a short nap early in the day and I suspected it wasn't enough. So it was no surprise that she fell asleep right when we needed to walk out the door.
This is where the good mommy part is. I could have woken her right back up, put her in the cute ladybug costume** and gone out the door. But I didn't. I let her sleep. She is still sleeping. I know she needs it more than I need to show her to my friends. There is a Trunk-or-Treat at the Elks Lodge tomorrow, and there is handing out candy at Mom's on the 31st, so I will still get to put her in the cute costume.
So far I don't feel terribly disappointed. There is something amazingly peaceful and calming about watching a baby sleep. Her tummy is going in and out with each breath; she hasn't learned how to breath incorrectly yet. Her lips are puckered and moving as if she were still nursing. Her little legs that work so hard at the new skill of walking are relaxed and resting. All is peaceful.
The grocery trip has to happen though. We are out of milk. Maybe I will nudge her a few times, gently. If she wakes up and seems okay, then we will go out. If not, well... it is nearly bedtime...
*A stake is a collection of congregations of my church in a geographic area.
**I know I said she was going to be Tinker Bell, but my mom-in-law found the ladybug costume and it fits this year. The Tinker Bell wings will fit next year, and the next...