someone to forgive

"The greatest loss in living deliberately alone is in not having anyone to forgive."

- D. J. Waldie
author of holy land

California Authors
Where We Are

aBowman.com gadgets

I found a really neat gadget guy. His name is A. Bowman and he has some neat gadgets at aBowman.com. For an example, go look at my footer :)

"moving forward the work"

"We must do all that is required in moving forward the work of the Lord in building His kingdom in the earth. We can never compromise the doctrine which has come through revelation, but we can live and work with others, respecting their beliefs and admiring their virtues, joining hands in opposition to the sophistries, the quarrels, the hatred - those perils which have been with man from the beginning. Without surrendering any element of our doctrine, we can be neighborly, we can be helpful, we can be kind and generous."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

“The Dawning of a Brighter Day,” Ensign, May 2004, 81

I have this quote taped above my sink so that I can read it while I am washing the dishes (which is for me a warm, zen-like, meditation activity). Today, as I observed the activity last minute lobbying for votes, and reflected on the effort and passion that has been invested in Proposition 8, I realized how important the principles President Hinckley outlined four years ago are this year. We have worked to fortify the kingdom and to keep principles of righteousness from being legally compromised. It has been a delicate balance to truly show respect for those with other beliefs, especially on occasions when that respect has not been reciprocated. It will not get any easier from here on out. President Hinckley's statement is as true today as it was then, and it will be true in the future. Now we have a little practice, we need to make sure we don't forget what we have learned and felt. I think we will need it again.

Ruminations on a Prop 8 Conversation

I met a nice lady the other day and we started talking about Proposition 8. I asked her how she was planning to vote and she said she would vote ‘No’ (which supports legalizing same sex marriages in California). I asked her what her reasons were and she said that regardless of whether she liked it “they’re going to do it anyway.” I was boggled and was having a difficult time understanding her position. Since I was then at the front of the line and had to go and be helped, we didn’t get to finish our conversation and I was left to wonder why someone would vote for something they didn’t agree with. That is like throwing away your vote - actually it is worse, because by voting against what you feel is right it is two counts against a position others who believe the same way you do are voting for. I think it would be better not to vote! I don’t know if that is a very nice thing to say, but don’t chuck the chocolate just because you think no one else likes it!

Darren's Ring

Darren's ring came today. At first I didn't know what it was because it is a lot smaller than the box it came in. When I realized what it was I was anxious to open it and see it in real life. I took it out and looked at it, and held it, and thought about Darren wearing it through the decades.

Breathe

Many of mis companeras had to remind me to breathe quite often. Breitsmile told me that asthma could kill me and took me to see a doctor. I learned that it didn't have to be so hard. I took so many medications. I tried to get off of them after I left the city. But I was recently reminded that if I'm not careful, asthma can kill me. Once again I am taking many medications. And somehow it is not enough. It is so strange that something Involuntary - like breathing - should take so much concentration!

I look forward to the Resurrection.

Afterthought: The new albuterol inhalers are not as effective as they used to be. This is troubling when I submit to the necessity of using them.

I jumped ship.

I jumped from a sinking ship in hopes of finding one more my style. I am relieved, but also worried that I've done something rash. I thought and prayed about it. I talked to my mom and my darren.

I thought the transition would take longer. But I didn't expect the ship to sink so fast and I knew I had to get off it before I was asked to walk the plank.

This new ship should be much more manageable.

Many Small Decisions

I have come to realize that the decision to get married is not ONE BIG decision, it is many small decisions made over time.

I decided to go out with him when he asked me on a date two years ago.
I decided I wanted to know more about him when we were dating casually.
I decided I wanted to let him hold my hand, and later, to kiss me.
I decided to tell him I loved him.
I decided he was a righteous and worthy young man,
even when I thought there would never be a future for us together.

I decided to let him broach the subject of dating each other again.
I decided to let him take me on a date again.
I decided to let my love for him grow again.
I decided to let him kiss me again (and to kiss him in return).
I decided to work towards marriage instead of giving into my fears.
I decided to have faith - sometimes every few minutes.
I decided to say yes and to accept the ring.
I am still deciding every day that this is what I want.

To marry someone who can support me emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and to want to support him as much as I can in return. Perhaps I was never ready before now for the feelings I've been having: a sweet gentle assurance that this is good.

President Hinckley

Excerpt from a journal entry after President Hinckley died:

27 January 2008

I thought that I should feel sad or devastated [that President Hinckley died], but I don't. I feel calm and peaceful. I feel very grateful that we could have him as our prophet for as long as we did. I feel grateful for all of my memories of him in General Conference and temple dedications. I feel calm because I know everything is under control. God has not forsaken us. His church will not fall into turmoil. I can imagine the Brethren, calm, assured, and in tune with the Spirit; not panicked, flustered, or confused by the transition and decisions they face.

What keeps me awake

Three things keep me awake:
1) Asthma
2) Being cold
3) Having to go to the bathroom

I've learned that asthma doesn't go away if you ignore it. I keep trying to will it away, but the best thing to do it to sit up and take some Albuterol.

Sometimes snuggling with a Nalgene filled with hot water will jump-start my sputtering radiator. A hot rice bag is nice too. So is a heating pad.

Putting off going to the bathroom gives me miserable dreams.

Ignoring problems causes discomfort.

I love hot water.

Mahalia Jackson

It's easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you haven't got a thing - that's the Lord's test.

~Mahalia Jackson

This has been one of my top five quote for the past three years. When I hear these words in my head, I feel both validified and encouraged. It reminds me not to be bitter, but to be faithful.

Maps and Balls

I have never played with balls much, but I think the combination of beach ball and globe is perfect! I think I'm beginning to have a collection! I have a paper globe (it is shaped like an octagon, but it has more like sixteen sides), a bouncy ball globe, and now a beach ball globe! :)