Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Moving Forward Peacefully

Small events can impact your life in unexpected ways. On his way to work two weeks ago Lost Boy was pinched between a curb and a car turning right. Stopping fast, he and the slowing car still managed to bump each other and Lost Boy fell. He got pretty scraped up, and broke his wrist (his bike is fine). It took some time (hours) for his wrist to start hurting. Then some more time (a day and more hours) to get in to see a doctor. Then some more time (a week) to get in to see a bone specialist and have a cast put on. It isn't a straightforward break. It is a little fracture in the middle of a bone that doesn't get very good blood circulation and tends not to fuse back together. Surgery is a possibility. But we're optimistic.

However, losing the full use of his hand (his dominant hand, at that!) has been hard on the Lost Boy. He is a very self sufficient man and is used to doing things for himself. Some things are manageable, like writing, though it is awkward. Some things are very difficult, like tying his work boots and stirring the brownies. And some things are not an option, like hand washing the dishes. While this is very frustrating for the Lost Boy, I have experienced some unexpected benefits.
  1. There are many more opportunities for me to serve him than there were before, and it is easier to get him to let me do them.
  2. I've found it in me to step up and do some of the things that he usually does that I could do but don't usually bother (such as meal preparation).
  3. As a result of #1 and #2 I feel like I've leveled up somehow.
With a new level comes an unfamiliar territory. I'm building on skills I already have, but finding out where the new ones need to be developed. I'm exploring a familiar landscape, but there are previously unnoticed challenges to discover and adapt to. I'm working harder to accomplish more because now I know can. Sometimes this puts my mind and body into a frenzy of sorting and prioritizing tasks, projects, needs, and time schedules. It can be quite exciting, though it makes it difficult to pay attention and enjoy what time I have with Lost Boy and Baby Two Flowers.

Last evening and tonight I have been able to keep moving forward and accomplishing things, but peacefully and gracefully (mentally) moving from one space to the next without pushing myself or promising myself I could collapse in a nap later. I have just as much to do as ever, I have just as little energy as ever (though more than I've had in a long while), and I am as tired as usual. But something is different.

Maybe it is the weather. The evening air that I moved back here for is coming soon, with the cool delta breeze and a scent that brings good memories. Maybe it is the fact I got up before 8:30 these past two mornings and made progress on a long term project. Maybe it is because the house is mostly clean, with project areas tidy and moderately under control. Maybe it is all of these things. Whatever it is, I must keep doing it. I love the feeling of being satisfied with what I have accomplished and being cognizant of, but not overwhelmed by, the work I have left to do.

I love this. Moving forward peacefully.